Annabel Joseph Owning Wednesday (revised) [Loose Id] (pdf)

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a graceful, fluid movement and ran her hands across the river of ugliness on the
116 Annabel Joseph
carpet. She slapped it on the wall over and across the painted words, red-and-black
punches and handprints. She came at him then and pushed him, marking him too.
She made a sound like a scream, only more feral, then spun away, pulling clothes
on over the paint. He stared dumbly at his angry marks on her body every bit as
starkly visible as her black words on the wall.
Jesus, Wed, he finally said helplessly.
But by then she was already gone.
* * *
Wednesday dreamed in red and black. She dreamed of his face, angry and
cruel, then shocked. Defeated, at the end. She lay on her friend s futon in the new
clothes she d had to buy, and counted the days, wishing for him to call but knowing
he wouldn t. She wondered if he would think she had gone to Vincent. Let him think
so. Let him hurt the way she did. She hated him. Still, she cried for him every night.
Red and black colored all her memories. She couldn t get a clear view in
hindsight of what had gone wrong and how they d both gotten so angry. Because he
asked her to quit her job? But he hadn t asked; he had demanded. If he had just
asked her, she would have said yes. She had written all over his walls. You don t
own me. You never will. She had destroyed his pristine white room in his pristine
white house. The pristine room he kept for her so she would feel treasured and
comfortable. She had defaced the white satin comforter that had made her gasp in
delight the first time she saw it, thinking it the most beautiful one on earth. She d
wrapped it around herself and thought how much he must love her. Then she d
splashed paint all over it, destroyed it and the carpet too.
No more possibilities. It had felt like bloodletting. Had she lost her mind? She
thought they both must have, and she wanted to tell him she was sorry, but she d
hoped he would say he was sorry first. She could forgive him if he apologized. She
would quit her job and follow him to Australia. She d follow him anywhere, because
that was how much she loved him. He didn t know where she was, but he could at
least call her cell&
Owning Wednesday 117
A week went by, and she stopped waiting. She told herself it was better if they
never spoke again. She decided to send some work friends over to get her stuff from
Daniel s, but somehow she never remembered to ask them. She certainly couldn t
face him herself after what she d done to his house with his paints and brushes.
That house was always too damn bright and perfect. He was too bright and perfect,
with his intimacy and healthy relationships. When he d decided he wanted her, he d
made a huge mistake. He certainly realized that now. It was for the best.
But she looked at her calendar every night and thought about Daniel flying to
Australia. He would be so, so far away. Soon his trip was only a week away. Six
days, five days until he left. She craved him like air and water. Soon he would be
gone! She knew when he left, it would mean forever.
Her mind tried to move past him, but her heart was wild with grief. Call him.
Just call him. She handled her phone, opening and closing it, imagining her fingers
pushing the buttons. She tossed and turned at night, thinking of what to say to him.
She remembered his anger when she d defied him, when she d refused to react to
him. She remembered the defeated look on his face when he d stared into that room
and seen she d gone crazy. Whenever she closed her eyes at night, big black letters
danced behind her lids.
Four days. Three days. Only three days! That night, while rain beat against
the window, she cried until she could barely breathe. Call me, Daniel. Why won t
you call? Then she realized why he hadn t called. He still probably thought she
wouldn t go. What else would he think after the way she d acted?
He thought she wouldn t, but she would.
She took a cab to his house and stood outside, too afraid to knock on the door.
What if he didn t want her anymore? What if he wasn t even there? What if he d left
for Australia three days early? She dug for her phone. Her fingers shook as she
dialed. There was no time anymore to figure out what to say. He answered before
the phone had even finished ringing once.
Wednesday, honey
118 Annabel Joseph
Daniel! Her words spilled out in desperation. Daniel, please let me come
back. I ll pay for everything I ruined. I m sorry. I ll fix your room back the way you
had it. I ll make it all white again. There was a long pause, and she thought maybe
he d hung up. Daniel? Are you there?
I m here, Wed. Jesus. Honey, it was your room. He sounded kind, not angry.
It was your room to destroy. And God, I m sorry I made you want to do that.
She was quiet, listening to his soft breathing, her heart aching more than ever
now that she heard his voice, so familiar and caring, in her ear.
I want you to come back, he said. I know you probably don t want to, and I
definitely don t deserve you, but I want you to come back to me. You can keep your
job. We ll figure out how to deal with being apart. I just got so caught up in the D/s
shit and the ownership thing. I went totally over the line. I m so sorry, Wed,
but& baby girl& I m leaving Monday.
I know, she said. I want to come.
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