Harry Harrison Bill 07 The Final Incoherent Adventure

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"I need three volunteers!" Grotsky declared. Nobody moved. "To be judges,
that's all." A forest of hands went up.
Within minutes a space had been cleared in the middle of the war room, with
the president's desk at one end and a folding chair for Bill at the other. The
three judges sat on one side.
President Grotsky stood up. "Officers of the court, ladies and gentlemen. I'd
like to welcome you all to our very first court-martial here in the
freedom-loving, democratic, and law-abiding Republic of
Eyerack. If I may, I'd like to open the proceedings with a short statement."
He pointed a finger at Bill. "That man deserted from the army. He ought to be
shot. Thank you. What is your verdict?"
The judges looked at each other. The one in the middle said, "Sounds good to
me," and shrugged.
"Okay."
"Yeah."
"Can we go back to work now?" the first one asked.
"I object!" Bill objected.
"Why should you object if we go back to work?" the second judge asked.
"No, I object to the trial."
The third judge said, "We had a trial. What more do you want?"
"Don't I get a chance to defend myself?"
The judges looked at President Grotsky for guidance.
"Gee, Bill, we've never had a court-martial before. Are you supposed to get a
lawyer or something?"
"Of course. When I had my court-martial in the Troopers, even they let me get
a lawyer and defend myself."
"Hmm." Grotsky conferred with a couple of his aides. "No, we haven't got any
lawyers handy. Sent them all up with the combat units since everyone agreed
that they would never be missed. But I guess we can let you speak for
yourself. Speak." He leaned back to listen.
"Not guilty, I am sure." Bill needed to think fast and that had never been his
strong point. This, being a
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Bill, the Galactic Hero The Final Incoherent Adventure case of life or
death, however really started his braincells ticking over. "First off I'm not
a citizen of
Eyerack. I'm actually a citizen of the Empire, so in order to be free to join
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your army, I had to go back to the Empire and renounce my citizenship. Then I
came back right away. How's that?"
"Not bad for a quick improvisation," Grotsky said. "Judges?"
One of the judges worked at a computer. The computer buzzed loudly. "I'm
sorry. You have to be a citizen to be drafted, but according to our records
you volunteered. See?" He swiveled the screen around so Bill and the others
could see the copy of Bill's file, where "drafted" had been neatly crossed out
and changed to "volunteered."
"I better try again." Bill racked his brain until he remembered something from
his first trial. "You declared martial law, right?" President Grotsky conceded
that. "So the whole planet is like a military base, and I never left the
planet, so I couldn't have deserted. Right?"
The third judge raised his hand. "Can I have this one?" The president nodded
his assent. "When you were last seen by Lieutenant Rosenblatt you were
airborne after an explosion. As far as we can tell, you dropped out of the sky
near these headquarters some time later. You were definitely off the surface
of the planet for some part of that time. Still guilty."
"It's a frameup," Bill whined. "I can't be a deserter because I'm actually a
member of the Imperial
Troopers, so I was actually reporting to my unit for duty." He looked around
cautiously. When there was no immediate response he started to smile a smirky
smile.
"I like it," pronounced the president. "I like it a lot."
"By George, I think he's got it," said the first judge after they had had a
chance to discuss it.
"He has indeed. He's done it," said the second.
"Absolutely," said the third. "He is not guilty of desertion." There was a
smattering of applause. "He is not a deserter. He's a spy.
Guilty
!"
"Excellent," enthused Grotsky. "Take him out and shoot him!"
A pair of MPs grabbed Bill and started moving him toward the door. They got
him about halfway there before the president called out, "Stop!"
Grotsky was talking with a gray figure who had appeared on a holoscreen behind
him.
"Snorri!" Bill shouted. "Snorri! Save me!"
"Too late, Bill," Grotsky intoned. "Snorri Yakamoto turned out to be a
cleverly disguised Chinger spy.
He disappeared before we could shoot him. This is Bodger Portcullis, my new
covert operations adviser.
Say hello, Bodger."
"Gee, Bill," Bodger said, "it looks like you're in a real pickle, huh?"
Bill was struck speechless by an MP's hand over his mouth.
"Suppose we let you go on a suicide mission instead of shooting you? Would you
like that?"
Grotsky nodded, as though encouraging Bill to agree. Since Bill had been on
suicide missions before
and was on one now, in fact he figured he might as well go along. He nodded
too.
CHAPTER 25
Bodger may have been a new addition to Grotsky's intelligence staff (Bill
heard one of the other spies complain, "We don't need no stinkin' Bodger"),
but his idea was pretty familiar. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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