Lisle, Holly Sympathy for the Devil

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funny place. People told devil jokes and said damn it and never
really considered what damn it meant. But now . . . She sighed.
Everything has changed. The fundamentalists and the Jesus-
shouters were right. She frowned. All the things we thought we
knew, maybe we didn t know after all. She got up and said, I
need something to drink. I ll be right back.
She walked down the hall to the kitchen. Dayne watched her,
and said quietly into the empty room, I never thought Hell was a
funny place. Not ever.
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Channel 13 switched from commentary and speculation to Toni
Spellman doing an interview live in front of the City Hall in
Charlotte.
We have with us Mr. Roiling Pusbucket, the reporter said, and
Dayne turned her attention to the news. Roiling Pusbucket?
Paige! she yelled. Get in here! They re going to interview a
devil!
Paige ran in, holding a Diet Coke in one hand and a bag of chips
in the other. She dropped onto the couch again, and popped the top
on the Coke.
Mr. Pusbucket claims he is high on Hell s chain of command,
and he has kindly granted us an interview.
A scaly-faced demon, in a leisure suit so loud Dayne tried to
readjust the color of her television set just to tone it down, smiled
at the reporter. Thank you, Toni. Greetings from Hell.
Toni s smile was forced. Thank you, Mr. Pusbucket.
You can call me Roiling.
Roiling, then. Millions of people are watching you, right now,
and wondering what you are doing here. How did you get here? Do
you have a mission? How long are you going to be here?
Roiling Pusbucket chuckled and rested a hand on Toni s
shoulder Dayne watched the reporter shrink back, and the
demon s hand dropped to his side.
Well, Toni . . . I m pleased to say that we are here in North
Carolina by the grace of the Almighty. We don t have a time limit
set on our parole as far as I know, we ve been turned loose for
good. God decided to give us all a second chance; you know, a
chance to repent
Why would God do that? Toni interrupted.
The demon grinned. I ll get to that in a moment.
Toni nodded. So what is your mission?
The demon grinned. I reckon God is hoping we ll all convert.
But the Boss let us know our mission is the usual. Drum up
business for the Corporation, bring in the revenues
By the Corporation, I assume you mean Hell. And revenue
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would be souls, Toni interrupted. Souls damned to Hell.
Sure. That s what the Corporation does. Well, cash too. Every
business needs a good cash flow. But we need cash, and we need
product. We ve been in the business a long time, missy and it s
good work. I ve made it all the way from damnedsoul up to demon
third class should make devil junior grade in six months, if I can
turn a decent profit.
You get promoted. For dragging people into Hell. This
concept looked like it bothered the reporter a lot.
Honey, we don t drag em. Most of em come running. The
demon scratched absently at his crotch. Hell is very democratic
promotions based on merits, demotions based on demerits. . . . He
grinned broadly. If you like dictatorships, go to Heaven. No room
for advancement there whatever you are when you get there,
that s what you re going to be for all eternity. But if you like
challenges, if you crave adventure, if you want to be all you can
be, then Hell s the place for you.
Is it just coincidence that Hell sounds an awful lot like the
Army?
Course not. We recruit heavily from the military. You d be
surprised the number of ex-privates who have the pleasure of
running their old drill sergeants through the hoops. The demon
shrugged. But you re missing the point. Hell is more than fire and
brimstone. We research markets, we create new products, we
compete in the open marketplace with the Old Communist. We
hustle. We grow.
Were you referring to God as the Old Communist?
Mr. Each-According-To-His-Needs. That s the one. If you
desire more out of life than just what somebody else thinks is your
fair share, you don t want to go to Heaven. Request Hell when it s
time to punch your ticket.
Mr. Pusbucket
Roiling, honey. Just call me Roiling.
I think I prefer Mr. Pusbucket. It is obvious that whatever God
may have hoped for when he released you, you have no intention
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of acceding to his wishes. So why did he turn you loose? Why
would God set how many of you are there?
Fifty-eight thousand eight hundred fifty-one.
The reporter didn t answer so much as she sort of gurgled in the
back of her throat.
That s a lot, Paige said.
Dayne nibbled on the inside of her lip. That s a lot.
The reporter got her voice back. Why would God set fifty-eight
thousand plus Hellraised loose in North Carolina?
According to the rules and regs we received, because that was
one one-hundredth of the state s population at the time he decided
to do it.
That isn t what I mean. Why did he decide to do it?
The demon grinned and looked at the camera. Dayne s stomach
tightened.
One of your fellow North Carolinians asked him to. All of Hell
is having a big celebration today in honor of Dayne Teresa Kuttner
of Charlotte, North Carolina. The devil waved at the camera, and
smiled broadly, so that his yellowed, dagger-like teeth gleamed.
Hi, Dayne, he said. You re our kind of person!
Dayne closed her eyes and shoved her head back against the
couch.
Oh . . . my . . . God . . . Paige said. She turned and stared at
Dayne. What did you do?
Oh boy, Dayne whispered. Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
What are you going to do?
He listened, Dayne said. I mean, I believed He listened, but
He really, truly, honestly listened . . . and He did it. She started
smiling. She opened her eyes. Paige God did it. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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